A Long Road

I thankfully am blessed with a job that is truly rewarding. However, getting to this point has not been an easy journey. It has taken me a longer period of time than others to decide on my career. I never understood how we are supposed to know what we want to pursue at the young age of 17. This is a time when we are so inexperienced and don't even care to hold a job for a long period of time. Crossing the line and entering adulthood at the age of 18 is when we are supposed to decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives?! “Take your general education courses first, it will come to you”. That’s what I was told and I always thought to myself what happens if it doesn’t come naturally? At an age where growing up is supposed to begin, for me it started at a much later age.

Most live their lives according to a timeline. I'm supposed to graduate at this time, be married at this age, etc. I didn't follow the "rules of life". I went to three colleges and took multiple courses that revolved around my Marketing major. And then it hit me. I'm only doing this because I want to be finished around the same time as everyone else, not because I truly want to do it. That was the point in my life when I realized I don't have to be like everyone else. I don’t have to have my degree when everyone is getting theirs. I'll only be happy when I know for certain what I want to do. Odds are, I most likely would probably be burnt out and wanting a career change if I started my career in my early twenties.

Walking aimlessly, I took some time off and eventually landed a job that I used to dream of. A pretty view of Michigan Avenue, a salary with bonuses, shopping during lunch breaks, and eating at the best restaurants in the city. Looking from the outside my job seemed perfect. Well being in the inside was a little bit different. My pretty little job was packed with a lot of ugly stress.

Let's fast forward a bit. I began working full-time and attending school full-time once I found a major that sparked my interest. And now here I am, a teacher.

At the age of 30, I just finished my first year of teaching. During the last week of school, I asked my class to complete an optional paper about if I changed anything about them. (This is something I attend on reading when I get old and can't remember a thing). I was completely astounded by their papers. I sat at my desk smiling, laughing, teary eyed, and shocked that the typical old teaching sentence of wanting to make a difference has come true for me. Here are some of their responses that I retrieved from their papers:

I'll never forget you took time to help me with my problems. I know that's not your job, your job is to teach.
You encouraged me to read at home which no teacher has ever managed to do. I congratulate you!
You taught me to never give up, to keep trying.
Thank you for making me realize everyone has problems because I thought I was the only one.
I am more responsible, mature, organized, and nicer because of you.
You’re like a second mom.
Mrs. K. is someone who is happy, positive, and outgoing. Something I can't do but wish to be like. You’re my role model.
You made me not only responsible for my homework, but my actions too.
You told me to be a leader and not a follower.
You’re like a mother to all of us. You take really good care of us.
You made me see I can be who want and to make good decisions.
You are the only teacher that actually cared for me. (Tear jerker!)
You made a big effect in my life and everybody else's too.

Just want to share a few more....kind of funny.

We don't like when you are mad at us, we talk about how bad we feel at lunch.
I love your clothes.
You are in the #1 spot, you knocked my kindergarten teacher from #1.
You know how to teach Math.
You’re much funnier than my old teachers.
You taught me not to talk back to others, especially teachers. (Who were his other teachers??)

And one of my favorites:
You’re really funny about cleaning and organizing things like my mom. I think you two could be really good friends.

What I learned from reading all of their papers is I'm doing something right. There are so many days when I think am I getting through to them? Out of all the times I had to yell, repeatedly tell them to pay attention, and reiterate concepts....I have made a difference in their lives. These kids (especially where I teach), have REAL problems, are growing up too fast, and some are just waiting till their old enough to drop out. As a teacher, it's easy to focus on the negative more than the positive. I have my days that I go home and am mentally exhausted. But I need to make sure my battery is charged overnight because every day is a new day and I may be one of the few positive adults in their lives.

Teaching is of course about helping them improve their skills, but it also involves teaching outside of the books, guiding them, and showing them you care. I don't need a degree in social work or counseling to help somebody. Or a Ph.D. so my students can think I'm the smartest person alive. I think my bachelor's degree is sufficient enough for now and perhaps forever and I’m okay with the fact that it took me a long time to get here.

Wimbledon 2009

There is one word in the English language I am not too fond of and that word is exercise. My ex boss who was the most bipolar person I've ever met (that's another story), purchased the first six months membership for me at Equinox, the high-end gym on extravagant Michigan Avenue. I worked out with a personal trainer who would probably eat lunch with her co-workers after and tell stories about the pathetic, unfit girl she is training. After my training, I still had no idea what to do in a gym. I just walked and sometimes ran (if I felt like it) on the treadmill and would stare at the snobby girls looking too made up for the gym. I actually saw someone with a Gucci fanny pack, leading me to believe that I'd rather be an unathletic girl than someone who can't live without being a label whore for one hour.

Six months after, I took over the ridiculous payments until the happiest day of my life came-the end of the unused, yearly membership. I have not stepped into a gym since and don't plan on it, but if I want to be a healthy person I need to take up something active so I decided on tennis. Here's where the fun begins! Well what I thought would be fun....

My husband and I have played tennis a few times. I would get some shots in that impressed him and even my toughest critic, myself. We decided to take tennis lessons together. Tom and I are not the type to have sweaters tied over our shoulders and want to be part of some exclusive members only place. Just thinking of that makes us want to hurl! Yesterday we walked into a local racquetball club for our first of many tennis lessons. Let me just quickly sum up MY experience.....I never knew that I married Pete Sampras. Once again, he is a pro at something he does not have any experience in. After practicing volleys, we started practicing forehands. Well the instructor quickly forgot about me and was primarily focusing on Tom. "Tom are you sure you never played a real game of tennis before?" "Tom I've only seen a spin like that in Wimbledon." That's what I heard and when it came to my turn, my frustration took over and I sucked more than I expected. After tennis Tom tells me what a great time he had and I looked over at him and thought "till death do us part", because I felt like beating him with my racquet. Okay not really, but the quick bubble image over my head occurred.

He tried to encourage me by saying, "Don't worry, this was your first lesson." Well news flash this was his first lesson too!! He, being the sweet man he is, told me that he wants us to practice together, I will get better, and is even willing to buy me a new racquet. Yeah, that's the problem...the racquet! ( I am stubborn....it's the German in me, blame my mother). And I'm a sore loser. I just can't understand why he excels in everything (including skiing) the very first time we attempt activities together. Could it be that he played sports for years, is a male, and is just naturally stronger than me? Hmmm...but I'm sure Anna Kournikova can kick his butt.

I am determined to get better, beat him (just once please), and not give up. And if I don't get better, I'll just enroll us in some dance classes and then he'll see what it's like to not be in the spotlight!

Something Different

I decided to start this blog because of the mere fact that I love to write. Why am I so passionate about it? Writing to me has always been a way for me to meticulously express how I feel without constant interruptions. I've always been one who could express my thoughts with confidence better on paper than in person. I've kept annual journals since the sixth grade which included positive and negative events that I encountered. Every year, I would re-read my journal and quickly dispose of it (in case of a potential reader). It has always been an amazing experience to see all of the obstacles I overcame, how I've grown, and how I was dead on about certain situations. I recently became inspired to get back to writing, other than my journal entries. It is such an exemplary feeling when one is told that you are good at something, especially when you enjoy doing it! I am not stating that I’m an impeccable writer, nor am I trying to impress my readers (well maybe just a little bit)! But in all seriousness, I adore my hobby and am very simple and honest when it comes to writing.

A little bit of background...
I'm the youngest of five girls. There is good and bad that comes along with being the youngest. Beginning with the good (the positive thinker in me), the so called "baby of the family" always gets away with a lot. A mother tends to believe her little one could do no wrong. For example, my mother truly believes that I don't drink. I'm sure those of you that know me well are probably laughing. Now moving on to the bad part about being the youngest is the fact sometimes I’m not taken that seriously. It’s as if I were born with an imaginary label that reads, “Warning-you will have a hard time accepting me as a mature adult.” I will be the first to admit that I am inept on some levels, but there are things the youngest can excel in.

Many are used to the Heather that loves to be out and about. That's the Heather that many are familiar with. But that is by far not all that defines me. To put it in simple terms, I'm a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. The laid back side of me enjoys alone time, reading books, writing (of course), bike riding, art, and being there for my family and friends as much as possible. And then there is the other half that enjoys socializing with others over cocktails (the wording I chose makes it sound so mature)! I am versatile and hopefully my occasional blogs can show a different side of me for those who maybe don't know me as well as they thought.
I’ve always been a person who cares what others think. It’s a flaw of mine. And the thought occurred to me, what are people going to think about this blog? I’m sure there will be some that choose to ridicule. That is fine, this is me…accepted or not.

American Poet and Lecturer, Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes:
“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.”
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
With Love, Heather